January 10, 2013

Throwback Thursday - What would you do differently?

I think I started imagining what I would do differently if I could re-live my high-school days just a couple months before Chelsea was born. I don't know exactly what triggered it, but once the thought of soccer balls and a supportive team of girls in high school crossed my mind, I was hooked by the idea of re-living my life.
It's not that I regret anything, necessarily. All of my experiences, good and bad, taught me things that were important for me to learn in life and have lead me to where I am today (which is where I want to be, thank you very much!). No, it's more like experiencing different things with my 16 year old body than I did and making different friends to get to know more people.
Soccer is one of the biggest changes that I can think of. When I was in high school, I participated more in the artistic department, and although I loved being a part of my choirs and my awesome show choir, I often wonder, What would it have been like if I had been a member of the high school soccer team instead? One thing that I have found rampant in the musical profession (at least in high school and college), is extreme competitiveness that NEVER ends. Whether you're on the stage or not, there's always somebody (or maybe you're the somebody) who wants you to come crashing down. That's the reason why I got out of music all together. I got so tired of all these girls watching other girls sing and thinking "I am so much better than she is. I should have gotten that solo." I'm sure that not every girl in the room is thinking that, but I have known my fair share of girls that do, and I can't exactly point the finger of blame on everyone else. Believe me, I've thought the same exact thought before.
Anyway, with sports it seems like strictly a field thing. I mean, they definitely get competitive and sometimes that gets taken too far, but it's less... snubby, if you know what I mean. When the game's done, it's done, plus, you've got your best buddies to ride home with and talk about the total annihilation on either side. It's definitely more of a team thing.
The thing that really gets me, though, is that I really think I could have been good at soccer if I had given myself the chance. It really kind of depresses me thinking about my lost opportunity, so I'll move on to something else.
So here's how my high school life would go down:
First, I would still participate in my musical stuff (because I had some pretty awesome experiences with my show choir), but I would also participate in soccer. I would make some good friends on the team and not worry so much. I'd be a little more daring, and less of a stiff (not sure if that's the description I'm really going for, but I think it works). I'd just be more willing to go out and toilet paper somebody's house every once in a while.
"Anything you can do I can do better!" Me and my brother in JIVE! together.

Second, I wouldn't try so hard with the wrong friends and make better friends with my brother. There was a group of kids at my high school that (without going into too much detail) were really exclusive. And that's all I'm going to say about them. I tried too hard to be a part of their group and when I finally realized that I couldn't, that's when I started hanging out with people that were totally unlike me. I would recognize earlier on that my best friend, Liz, should NOT be taken for granted. Thank goodness for wonderful people like Liz. Because I was so busy with the wrong people, my friendship with her was a little neglected. Thankfully, Liz is the most loyal and kind person I know and we are still best friends. She is the only one I will call regularly and not feel awkward on the phone or judged. Not many people can brag about that. I feel very blessed to have her.
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My cousin and best friend, Liz (she's got a blog!). We sang "In his Eyes together." Click on the picture for a demonstration of our singing, but turn the volume down! I'm the one facing the camera. Sorry. The quality is... not so great... to say the least.

I could make an entire blog post out of how amazing Liz is, but I'll save that for later. Third, I would take Spanish instead of French. My husband speaks Spanish fluently, and let me tell you... It. Is. HOT! Tus ojos son como las estrellas. Mmmmm...
Fourth: When my mom had cancer, I quit track because I needed more time for my show choir and I needed more time to go home and be with my mom to help her out. Turns out, I just wasted time and stressed her out with my new friends. That's something I do regret and would definitely change (she recovered, by-the-way).
Fifth: I would have gotten a job and started saving, saving, SAVING! Not like Andrew and I are really hurting for money right now, but if I had gotten a job in high school and saved more, we wouldn't be anywhere NEAR hurting. Plus, I'd predict the future and make tons of money with that (not to mention not buying any of the "cool" gadgets of the time because I already knew what was coming.
Sixth: I would still go to BYU-Idaho. It is the best school and I totally feel blessed to have attended there.
I wouldn't waste my time trying to "beat" expectations and just go into elementary education to begin with. I'd completely avoid majoring in music because that was a waste of time, money, and stress.
Seventh: I would have participated more in the intramural sports and taken more elective classes in graphic design and photography.
Eighth: I would ace all of my classes because I've already learned it all.
Ninth: I would completely skip the dating scene. I already know who I want to be with.

Every time I lose myself in thought about how different my life would be, I always hit one road block. It seems almost impossible to re-create my experience with my husband, how we met and grew to know each other. I wonder if somehow it would work out because we're meant to be together, or if I would be such a different person that he wouldn't even take a second glance. It's at this point in my musings that I realize that although there are some things in my life that I think would be better if they were different, I am the way I am because of my experiences and how I reacted to them, and Andrew loves me for all of that. He loves me because I am exactly the way I am, and I am in love with him because he is who he is.
 Crazy 'ol world, innit? Although I still think I'd like to have played soccer...
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4 comments :

  1. I catch myself thinking these things sometimes too. I think everyone does at least once. I totally understand what you mean though about majoring in music being a waste of time. I did one or two semesters of majoring in music, and it was terrible. I think that you and I are the type of people who like to enjoy ourselves when we sing more than "perfect" ourselves. Plus I hated how words like "Broadway" and "belting" and "show choir" were like bad words. Opera was the only way. :P
    Not that opera is bad. I like to have my share of classical, but diversity is the best! :)
    Anyway, that's my two cents on how the music major was NOT for me, lol!
    I liked your post. It was very thoughtful. :) Try not to get too hung up on the past though. It's hard. I sometimes think back to how I acted and am pretty embarrassed sometimes and wish I could do thing differently, or at least apologize now to those I may have hurt.

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  2. Isn't it crazy how our entire lives lead up to who we are today? There are some things I would like to change too, but then at the same time, who knows if I would be who I am today and be where I am at right now without those experiences? Everything happens for a reason-- even the dumb things. :) And I love that picture of us on your post! So fun! I watched the video on Facebook today of "In His Eyes." Too bad the quality is so terrible... you can barely hear what it actually sounded like. Oh well! Maybe that happened for a reason too. :)

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  3. Susan, the phrase, "If I knew then what I know now..." comes to mind. Of course things would have been different. I wouldn't stress over things either because I know now that I sometimes worried about the wrong things, but also the right things! I loved reading your blog, you're awesome. I would've wanted to be your friend in high school, although I suck at soccer... and singing.

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    1. Thanks everybody. I can't help but think of Uncle Rico every time I think about this type of thing. "Don't you ever wish you could go back? With all the knowledge you have now?" Ha ha! You're all right. Our experiences have made us what we are today and personally, I like myself the way I am! Thanks for your love and support everybody!
      Oh, and Liz, maybe the quality is so terrible because I had a confused and pained look on my face the entire time, due to an earlobe filled with water... Maybe... Friends, don't try and dive 15 feet unless you've got scuba gear on and go slowly.

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